Creative Writing
personal reflections

"My Time"
Today - Saturday December 10th
Saturday January 8th
Happy New Year & Good News!

Just as the year ended I took in
another PET / CT scan to see where I
stood after my lung surgery on
October 6th.  Needless to say I was
very apprehensive to view the results -
"How much longer do I have?".  But as
I read through the text .. again .. and
again .. There was no mention of
"Highly concerning" .. No mention of
"hypermetobolic nodules"

No mention of CANCER!  Hallelujah!

Athough I will always remain highly
toxic and subject to the big "C", my
baseline is clean today - there is no
"end" in sight. I will continue with my
Chemo - finishing this up in early
March. I am immensely thankful!  For
all of those who prayed for me -
through thoughts, words and voices;
my gratitude and love is deep and
true..... I am not a man with much
self-worth, but I do humbly
acknowledge and accept your

Cha Cha Cha Changes!  Emily and
Mike continue to grow at warp speed.  
2011 should be a very positive year for
both of them.  Mike is currently
involved with basketball and theater
arts.  He  scored a nice role in his
school's up coming spring musical
"Bye Bye Birdie".  Emily remains on
course to conquer the world .. lol .. as
she battles to capture the lead female
role in her high school's spring
musical.  Apparently during the final
call backs and as she sang, there were
once again listeners brought to tears
by her interpretation (she has this
uncanny gift affecting people in this
way with her voice).

I had my "Bio Matrix" done at an
immigration office late last month and
have been asked to go back again for
more of the same toward the end of
this month.  Mila and I are hoping that
we can get together after she
graduates in July.

2011 Ready or Not!
It's been a month since I've updated .... I'm a slouch (from Sloth to Slouch).  Camila has been in the hospital for almost 1/2 of this time - DVT (Deep
Vein Thrombosis = blood clot in her left leg).  I've been calling her on average 4 times a day - breakfast, lunch, dinner and nite-nite.  Her school
began last week and she will miss at least 2 weeks.  A real drag as she only has one semester to go.  Most difficult thing is that the process of
dissolving the clot is taking forever!  She's on blood-thinners and must keep her leg constantly elevated.  She was in a great deal of pain, but not so
much now .... Yet, a 3-bed recovery room, the so-so food  ... etc.. etc.... she misses her crazy, loud and crowded home!  And I miss her too ....
EXTRA! EXTRA!  Read all about it!  Emily Rose was cast as Sandy Smith, the female lead in "Me and My Girl" - the High School Spring Musical.  Only
a sophomore and look at her go!  I was congratulating her with teary eyes and she said to me, "Dad, why are you crying?"  I said with all my heart as
I looked into my daughter's beautiful (diva) eyes, "because I am sooooo proud and happy for you - you are amazing and I love you!"  Ok, only 2 more
rounds or one more cycle of chemo to go - THANK GOD!  I'm hanging in there, but it's becoming obvious that the accumulative affect of the drugs
are now catching up..... Work is busy good and helps to keep my brain engaged.  I missed my Haylie Bear and our rapid-fire text conversation that
spoiled me a couple chemo sessions ago.  I got one text this last time around and it was just to say, "Sorry to leave you hanging - I'm busy!" ... LOL.
GEEK!  I really like the new art piece, "Sir Heinz".  As I was saying to the boss today, it's like being in a trance ... All of a sudden you look at it and it's
done ... and I'll never do this again (bemoaning all the meticulous brush strokes!).  Got my taxes done on Feb 1 - over estimated my refund, but still
going to be some in the black (after paying the #1 state for taxing its residences!)  Just back from watching Mike play "Danny" from  
Grease , as his
Musical Theater class performed a dress rehearsal before their 3 day field trip kicks off on Friday ...... ahhhh, he's turning into such the stud!  
Afterwards he gave me a hug goodbye, I commented that I had never hugged a "Letterman" before ... Amy was there - we're getting along rather
well.  Enjoyed the SuperBowl at my Dad's.  He made a good old Midwestern style dinner (pot roast, potatoes, carrots) and we enjoyed a decadent
pecan pie a la mode during the second half - Way to Go Packers!  My mom and Roy went on a 2 week cruise to Hawaii.  Oh, SHOUT OUT to Randy
Sloan - Thank you Randy for the random acts of love and support - thank you my friend.  And on a closing note, my "window" is ALWAYS OPEN - JB.
Wednesday February 9th
Well, this chemo can be a bitch!  Last night was not very pleasant, as I had a bout of nasty hiccups and also puked for the first time.  Let's just say
that the face I saw in the mirror at approximately 3:30am after 4 good discharges into the toilet was very grotesque!  Teary-eyed, red and bloated -
But damn it felt good to be emptied of all that black bile!  The concoction that I brewed then spewed reminded me of "Mole" ... Ecktttttttt (as they
would say in Brazil).  I really didn't want to go here, but if it will help those that don't quite get it, let me put it in writing.  Life will have many twists and
turns for all of us - surprises, joys, sadnesses, laughter, fear, anger, loneliness, degrees of depression, etc.. etc...  Also, relationships; and they will
come and go.  Whether it be of blood or not.  I have in this past year or so said goodbye to many relationships that I have held in close embrace for
over 30 years - Great memories and a lot of love.  But (in writing), that is all they are now, memories; and I've accepted this and have moved on in
my own life, as I would prefer and hope that they do as well in their own lives.  In my present are my kids, job, Mila, parents (even though I am a most
questionable son), creativity exploration and 'this and that' thrown in for good measure.  I have a relatively small collection of friends that I remain
close to, but mostly until perhaps Mila and I are together, stay to myself - as I actually like it this way.  I have learned and adapted to be alone with my
thoughts and imagination since I was a very young boy .. and I can and have found comfort in this "place".  I have been sober from alcohol, drugs
and cigarettes for over 7 years ... that is a miracle in itself.  Ok .. enough of this ... and may each of us find our own peace (Now I'm sounding like
Amy, as this has been her credo).  Ok ... what else? Oh, MB says that "Sir Heinz" needs his second ear to show in the painting - "Just one man's
opinion", he explained.  Really pissed me off!!  So much that I sent him the photo that I used as a model for the painting - it showed just one flippin
ear!!!  Anyway, he's staying with one ear and that's it .... arrrrrrhhhhhhh!!  I don't know if this qualifies as "closure", but I do feel a tad bit better .. lol
..  New painting is on the easel, "Cotton Candy" ... Something to do .. simple, fun, tasty .. lol .... wanted to take a 180 and so be it.  Mila is seeing a
doctor tomorrow to get a clearer view of her condition and rehab, etc ... I helped her with some questions to ask the doctor. I'm really proud of her,
because her next doctor's appointment wasn't scheduled until June and that was ridicules, so she made a phone call on her own and ended up
getting set up through a kind nurse with a doctor who specializes in her condition. I really feel bad that I'm not there with her to support her more.  I've
got the kids this weekend and they are BUSY!  Mike has his second basketball playoff game on Friday (they have really come on strong since a
disaster of a start).  Emily is performing with her choir group tonight and tomorrow night at the high school.  Mike has play practice Saturday
afternoon, then will Airsoft on Sunday.  Don't know exactly what Ms Em's "other plans" are ... oh boy, oh boy.   I'm just going to hang in there and go
with the flow.
Thursday February 24th



I've been sick (common cold) since last Tuesday.  Missed Wed-Fri
at work. I feel as though I've been caught in a time warp.  Over and
over I've been checking emails in my head, rehearsing phone
conversations, back and forths with the boss.  Talk about anxiety!
Didn't do diddly until today's chores: Rabbit cage, laundry,
vacuum.  Mila update - She's still recovering physically and
hopefully will be back at school later this week.  She's also fired up
that I'll be spending tomorrow with Haylie - Crazy, but there is
actually nothing that I can say that will ease her fiery disposition.  
Believe it or not the "Magic" won the basketball championship -
from last place to top of the heap!
Why Create?
Why Suffer!
Tuesday March 8th - Last chemo infusion.  My how four months just flys on by ........
Sunday March 6th
First day of spring and we've got "weather".  It's 8:10am yet outside it is dark, windy and the rain is determined and steady.  We've got bombs going
off in Libya, Radiation concerns in Japan ..... What's next?  After 9 months of waiting, I received a letter from the immigration Service stating that the
fiancé visa would be denied unless I could change their mind.  So I put together a letter and sent it off certified last Wednesday.  What do you think
the chances are? I don't know - I really don't know.  Checked out Michael as Mrs. Peterson in "Bye Bye Birdie" Friday night.  Fun show and Mike was
fantastic.  Funny little scene with him doing the hula hoop - Classic!  Getting darker now.  My throat has been hoarse for a week, but the mouth sores
that developed are now almost gone.  I'll see Chemical Wali on Tuesday and we'll chat.  Had a very nice visit with Haylie - I said I captured some of
her "essence" this time around and she did not like this at all - said it was "weird"!  What's weird about capturing someone's essence?  I said to her,
look it up!  It's not lewd or naughty .... She said she wasn't buying it ... lol ... hummmmm.  Camila is doing well with her rehab.  She completed a full
week of school last week.  She's getting around (walking), although at a slower pace.  Today's going to be one lazzzzzzzzy day!
Sunday March 20th
April (nada)
Missed updating the site in April and now here we are into May.  Happy 50th to Tedi Sue today!  Yes,
the cycle of life - Had the pleasure of meeting my new niece, Stella :-)) yesterday; amazing and
heartwarming - "A Star is Born".  April was a busy month at work.  We had the best sales numbers since
I began working there over 4 years ago. Should be substantially quieter this month (I'm good with this).
Emily's musical "Me and My Girl" begins Thursday and I'm anxious to see it!  It will be a family affair, as
I'll be going to all three shows this week.  My dad will join me on Thursday, Mom on Friday - plus other
family members TBD.  Then next week I plan on catching 2 of the three remaining nights.  I was faithful
to my work-outs in April, including sit-ups every day!  I've lost about 2 1/2 pounds,as I'm on track to
reach my goal and shed 10 lbs by the end of June.  Not easy and I've been really craving SWEETS!
Me and Stella
Spent part of the day
working on some
scans as I moved
forward on the
project.  Posterized
this image of me sitting
on the roof where we
lived overlooking the
Philadelphia skyline.
I'm guessing I was 28
at the time.
"White Dog at the Fence" update:  
I think the dog is a "She" - Not
100%, as there was a lot of hair and
I felt ridicules trying to find out!
"Wake Up" (4:10)
by Libera  © 2011 KmCarey
Sunday May 1st
Been awhile ... back with good news.  
2nd Pet/CT scan since my surgery in
October was negative for cancer -
Yipee.  Was a tad on the anxious side
as I patiently (yeah right) waited for
the adobe attachment to open up and
share the results with me.  I've got a 6
month reprieve until the next scan and
I am going to have that blasted port
taken out!  Mike's 14th birthday
landed on Father's day this year and
it was a double bonus day.  In fact,
the weekend with the kids was one of
the best!  Work is crazy for some
reason and finding out last minute
that Chadi will be off property for 2
weeks doesn't help matters.  Mila is
going to kill me if I don't say a little
something about us .. lol ... Still
waiting on the "Visa" and I think / know
we are both at the end of our rope
over this.  We just have to move on
with our lives - thumbs up or thumbs
down.  She has been so much apart
of my life these past 2+ years.  Today
is the longest daylight day of the year
and I did enjoy a "down-up" walk /
jog... (knees a little sketchy).  I
weighed in at 190lbs this morning .. I
think I can knock off another 5 in 10
days to reach my goal.
Follow the LINK below to see more pics & hear more songs
Tuesday June 21st
Dusted off the old grill (it had been 3+ years since I removed the
cover) - and cooked up a few burgers.  A little over-cooked, HEY! I'm
a  little rusty ok?  Port #2 goes bye bye tomorrow - YIPEE.  Created
a new web page in celebration of Emily and Michael's musical
theater performances this year (see below for the link).  My head is
a little/lot wacked ... This was to be the beginning of "The Summer of
Truth" and "Jack" is already whispering in my ear - "You can't handle
the truth!" SUCKER.  This Facebook is something else.  I received
an invitation to be "friends" with my first girlfriend - and since my
acceptance we have had a couple of phone conversations - very
comfortable (and surprisingly so from my perspective).  It seems we
do have this bond.  But also there are challenges and issues and it's
complicated.  I've been a little stressed about work.  Lost my sales
counterpart for the summer and this will add to my work load.  Also a
couple of time sensitive projects that I've got to get to.  Mila's
medical leave is now officially over and she'll be back checking on a
job tomorrow.  She finished her 2 year school program and did very
well - I'm extremely proud of this accomplishment!  There's no doubt,
July should be a very interesting month
Haylie Bear & Mr Piggy
Monday July 4th
PORT #2 is OUT!
Movin some music around today - ah HELL, moving all kinds of "stuff".  Darkness is settling in now.  
Sad news - Good friends through work; people that have been very supportive of me throughout my
treatments - lots of prayers - love ... Their daughter passed away a few days ago.  It was very
sudden.  She was my age - 51. She had returned home from her daily early morning walk/jog,
collapsed onto the kitchen floor and was
gone.  She was discovered by one of her two young adult
daughters.  Howard, Jan and I would have been having breakfast together this Monday, as they were
planning on staying at the hotel over the weekend in celebration of their wedding anniversary.  How
this puts into perspective so many things - and how emotions can overwhelm words.  Their faith in the
Lord is very strong and this will help to ease their pain.  I've had to scale back my exercise due to the
removal of port #2 on Tuesday. Feeling good though.  Took a nice long walk along upper State street
today.  Along the way I thought about how I was really enjoying all the sights and sounds.  It's fun to
travel on one's two feet! .. lol ..  And perfect weather ... Work is crazy.  Still no word on the Visa for
Mila.  Finally pulled the trigger and bought a new smart phone.  I should get it in the mail middle of
next week - HTC 4G 8MP camera .. A far cry from the Nokia flip phone model that I've had for the past
4 years or so.  Ok .. I'm a little excited about it .. But Kevo (I like when Haylie calls me this) It's just a
phone dude!  And I got a Blue Tooth ear piece ( a decent one), so I'll be "hands free" and a much
much safer driver!  Paid my speeding ticket fine - $269 .. Lesson learned!!!
Saturday July 9th
My interpretation of Bronson (without the neck, mustache
and traps).  Actually just a summer update of sorts.  I'm
about 5lbs away from where I want to be (I keep saying
that it seems) - the fricken belly already!  Been a bitch the
last few weeks, but it's been a very positive morph from
where I was a few months ago. Work was insane last
week.  We've got the production crew in for "Kitchen
Nightmares" and that's got things jumping.  Amy's brother
Jim and his family are in town.  As is standard, I've not
been invited to visit with them (I've never seen their kids).  
Oh well ........... hummmmmmmmm .... night night.
Sunday July 24th
With both my parents' birthday's
around the corner, I decided to be
proactive and think about what I was
going to do for both of them.  Check my
blog out a couple of years ago when I
spaced on my dad's birthday (not
good!).  So, as the "handmade" cards
have been going over well, I decided to
do this again for dad.  Something hit me
as far as the Sandpiper theme - I've just
always dug them; and I know my dad
has an affinity for the beach - so there
you have it.  Mom?  I'm going to take
her to lunch, or, I just might make her
dinner (haven't decided).  But I'm
ahead of the game and amen!
Kids went white water rafting in the Kern River this weekend.  Got a text from Amy saying that they
made it back safe and that it was "super fun"! Next weekend I've got the kids and we're going
back-to-school shopping :-).  I'm actually looking forward to spending a few bucks on them, as it
has been quite some time since I've had the resources to do it - feels good! I miss Camila - it
seems as though Homeland Security is doing everything they can to have us drift apart. It's been
over 15 months since I submitted our fiancé Visa application, and  I just wish they would tell us one
way or the other. My last correspondence from them on July 8th said, we're still investigating and if
you don't hear back from us in 6 months - call customer service  - One word - BULLSHIT!
"Sandpiper Series"  acrylic & watercolor on paper
Sunday August 7th
Sept-Oct (MIA)
Prepping for my Colonoscopy on Thursday -
(UPDATE: see ya in 10yrs!)
(UPDATEII: I think 10 years is wishful thinking)
Now officially known as
"Haylie Owl"  - Very HOT!
Sunday November 27th
Sorry  to say, but my cancer has returned (doubtful that it really ever left).

Scan reports that I've got some issues again with my left lung and a new node of concern in my
neck.  Still have yet to consult with a doctor.  Yet another time in my life in which I'm very much alone,
and challenged by many deep and personal thoughts. PS - "Brasil/Mila" is back on the homepage.
Camila - Eu estou apaixonado por você